[those who mind dont matter. //
those who matter dont mind.]
this is my personal blog.
i like to do nails. im a musician and an artist at heart. i plan to major in flute performance. i also march snare drum in school marching band. keelan tobia is my hero. im a drum corps fan.
it’s a funny little thing how much someone can mean to you even when you dont know them.
logan kane. i dont know where you’re from, what you are, when you’re from, why you’re here, or who you are. but what i do know is that i have irrevocable and unexplained craving for you.
the first time i ever heard you wasnt even your voice. it was that god damn bass playing of yours. it sounded like an angel’s call to me. sweet and tender long notes as rich as melted chocolate. i fell in love with that.
and when i saw your face i knew. that you looked, to me, like the most perfect human on this whole god forsaken planet. i don’t know you so i hate to base my opinions off of looks. but you get me.
the sad thing is that you look at me. but you dont see me. it’s hard when i am really a nobody. this morning when you shook me and glanced at me, that was a little taste of heaven.
its completely unreasonable and utterly spontaneous affection that cannot be helped. god forbid youd ever read this. like it would ever happen. but ive fallen for you so hard i cant get up, and i dont even know if you have a middle name. what your favorite color is. what the best music to your ears is. what you like in girls, what your favorite food is, your favorite place and time. all these things i want to know so fucking badly. most of all i want to know why you do drugs.
you are the most flawless human being i could ever lay eyes on. you have a god-given talent for music. you are cute and friendly and probably so many more things that i don’t know yet but want to. yet people read you off to me as if you are a warning label on a toxic container. do you know how much weed he does? a shitton. take how much you think he does, and multiply that times 15. he does stuff a lot harder than acid you know.
although that is important to me, i’m only a curious girl. if i could ever get the courage to know you; really know you… i would be your angel. i would save you from whatever hell you are living. i suppose if you do that much crap to yourself it’s not just for shits and giggles. you make me wonder what it’s like to step outside of my boundaries.
you are inexplicably irresistible and perfect. i hope you know that, even if its creepily and awkwardly coming from someone you dont even know who you have just met, who is the nerdiest and ugliest asian girl youve ever seen. and if you ever saw this you would be scared out of your mind. don’t be. this girl is unknown. shes not perfect. she is fat and ugly and terrifying. but she loves you. for no reason at all.
and its funny how liking someone is effortless.
you don’t need a reason.
mental breakdowns are the worst.
people have no idea what kind of stress i have. it doesnt seem like much to them.
i try so hard to be good at flute and snare. i spend late nights after four hours of winter practice just working to salvage my flute tone which is the only reason i got first chair. and if ive been spending time on school work and flute for a day, i have to practice drumming late into the night to keep my chops fresh.
its been the beginning of the semester and my grades are already shit from all the practice i try to do.
the solution is easy- quit one instrument. right?
i love both so much. how could i choose one over the other. if i quit flute i wont even be able to do what im best at. and if i quit snare its like im forfeiting.
someone who isnt even in band has better technique than me. im such a failure.
and then they might say, why even try so hard?
its not like i have a choice. im not good at anything else. only moderately at music if at all.
im so tired